If you are just beginning your journey through this most horrific experience, I am so very sorry. For me, it has been the most horrific experience I have ever been through. I would not wish this pain on anyone. Previously my life had not always been cherries and cheesecake, but the traumas I had been through, seem so insignificant now. Not even losing our first child was as devastating as Bryan’s affairs.
I longed to hear others stories no matter the outcome. I just wanted to know that I would survive. Let me say now to you, YOU WILL SURVIVE! I am living proof right here that you will survive. And yes, no matter the outcome. There were days that I was down on my knees begging God to just let me drift away, away from all the pain. I do not believe that I ever would have acted on my thoughts in a million years, but thoughts of just not existing just floated through my mind. I never thought about details, I simply just wanted to be vapor.
Crying out, praying, talking, yelling to God gave me a tiny amount of hope. But it was enough! It gave me the strength to take the steps to get the help I needed. Reaching out to a very select few led me to the greatest gift, that of finding several women that had been through the battle of an affair. Because let me assure you it is a battle! You must arm yourself. I also had found a support group for the victims of affairs. I challenge you to find a group, mentors, just reach out and find others that have been through the very specific heartbreak of an affair. Let me be clear, if your sounding board or main line of support has not been there, you definitely need to find someone who has. People who have not been there just do not know!
Sometimes you also need some anonymity. I actually changed churches after the second disclosure. I found great peace in not being asked about Bryan. No one knew me, I could just blend in. I actually joined an older women’s Sunday school and loved it. I walked in that first day and it was as if they knew I needed love and just embraced me with joy. Each one hugged me with such warmth, it was like God himself wrapping his arms around me. I will never forget their grace and love. Each time I walked through those doors of that Sunday School those women just loved me even though they did not know me. I was then free to absorb God’s word and free to listen to His guidance.
Whatever your needs, be alert to how you can insert positive people, life tools, and environments into your life. Fill up with what is good and leave behind what fills you with even more negativity, hate, and anger. This is your battle, how you choose to fight will define you for years to come!