Adultery, Infidelity, cheating… whatever you call it…it HURTS!

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

Being on the betrayed side of an affair is extremely painful. In fact, it is the singularly most painful experience of my life. There are several different articles and quotes that I have read trying to judge or categorize the pain. Those words helped me know that I was not alone. That my feelings were valid. Others had felt the same intensity and emotions of the pain as I did. It was such a relief to know that I was not dysfunctional or abnormal. No, in fact, feeling such a deep sense of loss and pain is normal!
You see as a young couple Bryan and I lost our first child five years into the marriage. She was so very precious and yet she was taken from us just before term. She had trisomy 18 and did not survive labor. It had always given me comfort that she died safe and protected in the womb, in her home. At that time, that was the worst pain I thought could ever come my way. I was wrong, severely wrong.
I felt so guilty for feeling so much more horrific pain over an affair compared to losing a child. I thought something must be wrong with ME! Now I know so much better but at the time, I was brutal to myself and my own feelings. Though the pain of betrayal can come in all extremes, what YOU are feeling is YOURS. Talking to others who have suffered at the hands of adultery you realize for the vast majority of us that other pains from loss of loved ones, divorce, illness, and many different and various others, in fact, do not even compare to the loss one experiences with infidelity.
What I want for you is to wrap yourself up and know that whatever the pain you are suffering from is your pain and not another person can feel it like you can. No matter how great or how small… it is your pain. Only you know how it feels. Only you know why it hurts so much or so little. The one thing I can say is it is YOUR pain. Do not let others minimize your grief. Even if they have been there. Your relationship could have been different. Your experiences with your spouse are just that yours, no one else has lived them.
So be gentle with yourself. Love yourself right where you are at.

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